When you ask somebody how they got where they are at in their life and they respond with “one day at a time”, “with a bit of luck”, “being at the right place at the right time”, or any other cliché phrase like these, then they are sparing you the truth. I have heard these smoke-and-mirror responses from people who would rather be left in pondering silence than reveal themselves. I used to think that these people were pretentious misanthropes, keeping to themselves in the corner of the bar stirring their whiskey. I can now relate to these self-estranged identities. It might not be out of conceit or disdain that they hold back. It may just be that they have reached a point in their lives where they have given up on sharing their story with outsiders. And by outsider, I mean one who has not experienced the struggle that would allow for genuine dialogue.

When asked in a bar what I do, I do not know what to say anymore. I used to casually reply with “i’m an undergrad” or “I work for startup X” or “I do research”, but now I have no clue how to respond. I toy with “I am trying to figure it out”. I am now at a point where although I would love to share with someone my story, I realize that “it’s a long story” is probably as close to the truth as I will ever get. This is why when I meet someone with whom I share enough with to share a glass of whiskey with, I am thirsty to put a round on my tab. I have a chance to escape the loneliness that accompanies a “long story” for a brief conversation about the struggle of pursuing our respective dreams. The humbling experiences that we live sediment into sacred memories that shape who we become. And this is why it is appreciated when you find someone who gets it.

The idea of running your own company sounds like great dinner conversation topic or a nice blog post to rant on about, but in reality it is a strenuous madness. There is no right or wrong, no history and no clear future, only a moral compass that some of us hold on to tightly as it bears the stresses of our necessarily difficult series of decisions made from the desire to actualize our dreams.