It seems like I’ve been going down this path of entrepreneurship barefoot for miles. Because my mind is so focused on maneuvering philosophical trenches, I cannot find the time or energy to actually let my body embrace physical debilitation. I have lost 30 lbs and have never been in as good of shape despite the exorbitant amount of fast food that I go for on the daily (Taco Bell’s Cravings Menu gets me every time). I guess I discovered the ultimate diet: fill your mind and gut with passion and your body will work itself out.

What fills my mind is a great debate that I cannot resolve. Actually, I am not quite sure that there is an answer. There is an agreement that I signed in ignorance that has now come to haunt me at night.

Newton’s Third Law: every action has an equal and opposite reaction. In this case, my debut in entrepreneurship was inadvertently accompanied by the birth of a crippling relationship.  At the time, I did not know that my entrepreneurial enlightenment would fuel an engine of vanity.

Amidst the illusion of endless possibilities and potential to soar financially, the man that sold me the life that I yearned for now threatens to take that life away. As I approached him personally to talk about an issue I was struggling with, instead of guidance I received violent rejection towards negotiation of our formal relationship. A stack of destructive negativity and filthy criticism was delivered to me as a hypocritically cynic package. I was led to believe that this man had our (my cofounders’ and I’s) best interest in mind, but I now see that his own interest is what purely motivates him. I am now caught in a manipulative game of motives where I have zero leverage.

I have two strong mentors who have built success in their lives whom I’ve tried to emulate. They have achieved their success from opposite ends of the spectrum of entrepreneurship. One, the model businessman, with whom I’ve developed a trusting relationship over the years has advised me that I should restructure my current relationship with my other mentor, the hardcore bootstrapper. The suggestion came as a recommendation to ensure the future of my company.

Unfortunately, just the idea of a deal restructuring is being met with severe resistance by the bootstrapping party. I have personally expressed my concerns for the health of my company, which was recently born from the program built by the bootstrapper. However now, as it pains me to confront it, it is beginning to look as though the bootstrapper is becoming an obstacle to that growth.

I feel that he is not willing to take us to the next level. He expressed his lack of faith in the execution of our product (my job as CEO). The disdain that I felt from this man when we recently met was pungent, and I was surprised at his frigid lack of understanding. I do not know if this is a test of my character or if it is the naked truth of my bootstrapping mentor’s character, but I am determined to figure out what is fair and just.

I am plagued by the desire to make the right decision. Confusingly, I am unsure from which perspective I should define the right decision. I am not certain whether what is right in this situation is actually what is best for the company. Is it possible that they are at odds with another? I do not mean to bite the hand that fed me, but I need to ensure that my company will grow in a direction that benefits everyone. Desperate for an answer, I’ve been scouring the internet for incubator deal structures. I have not yet found a community where these problems are being tackled.

What thickens the fog of judgment is my -up to this point- deep appreciation and gratitude for the bootstrapper and his mission as advertised. I fully bought into his propaganda and inspired others around me to invest their faith in him. And to this day I still hold true that this man is determined to do good where others have not. If he has betrayed us, that will be the end of our relationship. Although the bootstrapper won my heart at the beginning of the incubator program, what he showed me at our meeting undermines the faith that he has held tightly in his palm until now.

I recognize that I am naively emotionally compromised, but I also recognize that the bootstrapper is a gifted storyteller. Objectivity is what I am striving to achieve in this situation while maintaining an amicable relationship with the bootstrapper. I once again find myself in an ambiguous situation, not knowing what to do.